Inspired by a piece from Lang Leav.
I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. So I explained how I feel to myself, trying to get an epiphany.
I felt like sinking. I felt like running on a treadmill set faster than any man could run. I felt like in space–floating, unable to breathe.
I felt like someone dangling off a cliff, grasping for someone to pull me up.
No matter how close we were, you’d never reach for me. It takes two to hold on to each other, two to close the distance. And I’m one short of the one who would love me back. The one who’d save me from myself.
So I fell off that cliff. I didn’t die, of course, because the fall never kills. It’s the impact. But my head’s so high up in the clouds I end up falling into the neverending space.
Now I long for that impact. But it’s not coming. At least no time soon.
And that, I fear, is much, much worse.