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Midnight Malarkey

a peek inside the poetic freak

Tag

Pain

I still feel your hand on my head
Every short, sweet carress
I still feel your head on my hip
Your slight breath as you rest

I recall your timid voice
Barely competing with background noise
As gently you tread with words
Little troubles that have burdened
Your head, your life, your love

I relive relics of reality
Rational efforts subsiding slowly
Doomed to distortion
For when memory is involved I am weak
To sentiments so meek

This sweet torture
Not only of falling and hurting
That was only an overture
But also the aftermath

Of sadness and wrath
Unable to be content of unrequited
Feelings forsaken

Anxiety awakens
Overpowering any means to subdue
Even happiness that is due
From the ups and downs of the rolling wheel
Making me wonder if I ever will
Pass this mess
With any finesse

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Percakapan dengan Hati

“Ini,” kata hati. “Ambil aku dan hancurkan. Tak apa. Dan setelah itu, kau bisa menulis.”

Jangan. Bukankah kau sudah cukup tersakiti? Bukankah baru saja kau kembali patri?

“Tugasku pada tubuhmu dan padamu. Pada tubuh, untuk detoksifikasi dan menampung racun. Padamu, membiarkanmu terkena toksifikasi dan menampung rasa terkena racun.”

Aku terdiam. Betapa tabah si organ. Tak heran ia menjadi sorotan hidup banyak orang.

Bukankah kau lelah? Apa kau tak takut mati?

“Kurasa kau tak mengerti,” katanya, tergelak kecil.

“Semakin kau merasa, semakin aku ada. Baik senang atau sedih, tawa atau sakit.”

Dasar, kau, masokis! Tawaku sendu, dengan berselimutkan haru.

“Bukankah aku mencerminkan dirimu, sayang? Berhenti menyiksa dirimu, maka kau akan berhenti menyiksaku.”

Diam. Senyap beberapa saat sementara kata-katanya kuserap.

Namun, bila tak lagi bisa merasa siksa, lalu bagaimana?

“Maka kita bernyawa namun tak hidup, dan jiwa kita mati.”

I’ve lost you
I’ve cost you
I’ve lost

I’ve no cause
I’m a hopeless cause
because…

I’m crushed
Abashed
Concoct me a potion
or a magical lotion

To ease the pain,
to decrease my brain
activity
that’s killing me

I’m killing me

.

.

.

Without you.

Pain
Sweet pain
Sweet
Bittersweet
So bitter it
wrenches the heart
like a target for darts

I’m hit
I’ve been hit
I hit
the ground

I die
Goodbye

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